A Picture worth a Thousand Words?

High gas prices, blah blah blah. Just wanted you to see how bad it has really gotten. I will post more later, got to go trade semen for a quarter tank.

Free Fireworks Show!

It's nearly the "fourth" again, and I am so pleased to hear about all the festivities that are being planned (weather permitting) for the event. Every time I turn on the TV or the radio, I keep hearing the same announcement. "Free fireworks show at x location, at x time!" and so once again, I am left to play the asshole. How the hell do you charge money for a fireworks show anyway? I can see it now, "folks, if you paid your five bucks, then look up- you poor fuckers keep your eyes down on your cheap ass shoes". You have to pay the Baptist church to "look up" when there is a fireworks display being put on. You poor kids, try putting a pinch of glitter on your shoe. When you hear the boom of the display, just kick some of the glitter up off the shoe, and say "WOOOOOOOOO!!!!"- that aught to do it for you.

Piss on This

I have always had an eye for things that should mean nothing, but should mean something at the same time. I guess I'm what they (they?) call a conspiracist. I don't believe in one theory or another, but more in a constant, static channel of hidden order, continuously operating just below the surface of what we see as reality in our everyday lives. My awareness of this order causes me to pay very close attention to the things that we are NOT supposed to pay attention too. Most of which, I dismiss as a burned bearing, or a broken tooth in the gears of the universal mechanism. That being said, I have no idea why I went into this with you folks. Anyway, here is something that has always bugged me, and I want to see if you have ever noticed. The following are pictures of public (or residential) toilets. They are adorned with their brand or model names, and I just wonder how and why a group of marketing people, or just the owners of the patents on each units particular design, would have EVER decided that these were the best names available for such a device?

Church, and American Standard. We should piss on American Standards, and the House of God? Now, I don't walk to Sunday school with an American flag pin on my lapel, but, I know people who do. I cant believe the collective "they" ever got away with this.Anyway, I'm out of time, and I have to run over to Home Depot. I'm going to remodel my bathroom, and I need to go get one of those nice "family values" shitters.

Hot for Teacher

I remember when I was in high school, and even in middle school, there were always "those guy's". The kid that would come in on the first day of the new school year, and start shit with the new teacher right off the bat. She would go through the whole text book "control the situation" routine, and almost never win.

This would go on for the first month or two, and the kid would maybe even be kicked out for a while. Then, something magic would happen. Every time the kid did something stupid, or said something he would normally be killed for, the teacher just got this glassy-eyed look, and tried to fight a smile back in an attempt to seem authoritative. Every now and then, you might would catch her playing with his hair or some other form of physical contact as she walked by his desk during a test. Now, us all being really young, would all start in with the "teachers pet" type crap. As we got older though, that turned to flat-out asking the guy what the hell? He would then start telling us how he went to her house, got drunk with her, and well, you know the rest. We would all call bullshit, and laugh at him. Sometimes, the kid would persist in his wild tales for months, as the stories got more and more detailed. My point is, before I go all day with this, is that we have all learned now that that kid may have been telling the truth. This shit really happens, and I wonder how many of the classroom bad-boys I knew were taking "night classes" to keep those grades up for football?

We had bad GIRLS as well, but that old tired story is just too damned easy. It's always the P.E. coach. At least that's what the girls would tell us. There was always some urban legend about a coach, caught in the gear locker with two twin 15 year old Vietnamese girls. I think it was the coach that started that one though.