That's it. I don't want to be told about how or why I need to save anything, anymore. I don't want to hear about energy. Or trees. Or whales. I am sick of being told one thing, and sold another. It seems to me that, every thing I'm asked to conserve, I'm God damn tripping over. I drive past a car or truck dealership, and the vehicles for sale have gotten so big that the trucks look like tractor trailers. The cars all have shit loads of horse power, and the speedometers go to 160. They are getting 16 miles to the gallon, while I'm being told to save fossil fuels, and get a hybrid. I got filthy hippies telling me that I need to help save the whales. Get yourself a marine radio, and tune in to the chatter during the day. Every ten minutes, some asshole is calling in a whale floating around, in danger of being hit by a ship or boat. And don't get me started (again) on the Manatee. I work in one tiny spot near the water. Every day, I see a Manatee. Every day. The damn things are just now being considered for removal from the endangered list. It would be like you walking around in your office, and all day long, you kept hitting your head on giant Redwood trees. After about the 300th tree you hit, you would want to smack anyone who told you to give a shit about them. And speaking of trees, here we go. How am I to be told that I need to go out and plant trees every year, when the entire cleaning product industry has decided that you can clean a whole house with a paper towel? Every one of them have some shit ass commercial, depicting a kid spilling red liquid all over the damn house, and his oddly happy go lucky Mom cleaning it all up- with a God damn paper towel. They actually show them wringing it out in the sink, and going back to the scene of the crime to get some more shit up with that SAME paper towel. They got woman mopping the entire house's floors with a paper towel on a stick, sold under various stupid names. They clean the toilet with it, then sun dry it, fold it up nice, and put it in a hope chest to pass on to their daughter one day, when she has a hyper active ass kid of her own to follow around with the paper towel all day. I hate that shit. Get a damn rag. If I come to your house and catch you trying to reuse a paper towel, I'm leaving. If you catch me trying to do the same, go home and get the whole roll. You will need it to clean the kitchen after I blow my brains out.
I realize you probably aren't being really serious here, you may in fact be a closet tree hugger, but if you are being serious I demand that you stop dissing on the manatees and stop spending so much time letting yourself be sold all that crap. Get your ass to Grassroots, get some organic cheese and fruit for noshing and go sit out by the water and make friends with the manatees.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I hope your sign on Post & Park is printed on recycled paper with non toxic inks.
Yes, I love Manatee. I am just de-sensitized by seeing them every day. And my signs are completely recycled, because they all used to say something else before I sprayed them. They are being recycled by the bum at the 95 to Park street ramp right now, and I suspect they have "Give me a dollar, God bless" scrawled on them. Please tell me what "noshing" means. Also, do you think I should post comments on the front page under the story or leave them here?
ReplyDeleteNoshing mean's "snacking". Never heard this word until I married into an Italian family. To nosh is to snack, different from having a meal.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go to Grassroots this weekend and challenge anyone I see to a game of tackle football out in the parking lot. If no one excepts my challenge, I will probable just study the inner workings of the human body for a bit by staring through their pale transparent skin. I will then go and eat a roll of paper towels and sniff a toxic marker untill the memory of the "Slim Goodbody" bearded nightmare I just saw in Grassroots fades out of my head.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Dr. Van Nostrom, Marine Scientist
Could you consider giving one of your signs to the crack lady at Forest &
ReplyDeletePark who always begs for money, and on the sign will you write "RUN ME OVER PLEASE"
Good to hear you really do feel the love for the manatees.
Missy, you must mean the lady of color with the glasses and the bug-eyes? I am pretty sure she (or one of her associates) took my sign. It has become a real problem, competing for ad space with the homeless. Thats why I try to steal the sign first. At least its not a big loss when it ends up with the trade mark "God Bless" scrawled on it. I consider it recycling, and think we could live without fifty "I buy shit houses" signs at every corner. Maybe I will start grabbing the signs from the gouls and just add my .com to the scrawl? Say, have you read my entry called "Goody Goody Bum Drops"? Its in the older posts.
ReplyDelete