The Time Machine

Well, this week, I got to hit on something I have said before. If you ever wanted to "go back in time" I know where the government parked a time machine. I can get you back to the middle ages in an hour, free of charge. I'm not trying to sell tickets to some geeky-ass renaissance fair, this is real. I want you to strap on a hidden dagger, lace up some knee boots, and take your ass to Walmart. Not that new, ritzy ass location, the OTHER one. The one over on the " " side (you know your cities shitty side, the side you would never live, but you buy your tires there) where the air is thick with the smell of crap food and failure. Go in that Walmart, and find a place to sit. Transport yourself to days long ago, where teachers and dentists were tried as witches, and a complete lack of limbs or soap could not stop a woman from being impregnated nine times. In the REAL middle ages, people did not walk around eating roasted turkey legs, singing witty songs, and trying to paint your face. They mumbled stupid shit, smelled like hot garbage, and made kids to pass time. I want to start taking middle school kids in there on field trips, like a living museum. Maybe get me some tires, and pay a hump-back to carry them out.