Grab your Beanie Babies, its almost Pay Day!!!

Well now, In all my life I have seen a lot of stupid crap, but one thing really let me know where we stand as a nation of free thinkers. That was the invention and mania that followed the "Beanie Baby". I will never forget the countless arguments I started (was it just me?) with the scores of (mostly) large woman over these painfully worthless trinkets. Round about the time they hit the high note, I was doing security in a hospital. The local Omega Moo chapter of the nurses went into a frenzy like sharks to blood every time a new "Beanie" was placed for sale in the gift shop. They would get out the volumes of value books (produced by the toy maker, of course) and squawk for hours about how the very toy they just paid five dollars for, was actually worth hundreds and even thousands if the production of that model stopped. I would fire them up with my ignorant questions like, "How can it be worth 500 bucks, when its for sale NOW at 5 bucks retail?" "Well sit down smarty pants, and I will open the book and show you" they would say. I would then point out that the book bore the same label as the toy, and get the same dull stare that the manufacturer was counting on. Mind you, this was in the mid nineties. I happened across a hilarious value book at the thrift store the other day, which reminded me of the whole phenomenon, so If you own a garage full of this junk, I will take this time to throw more salt in your wound.

If you bought that very special blue bear in 94, then next year in 2008, it will be worth 4,500.00 dollars!!!!!! Now, you and everyone else bought it for 5 bucks. But, if you have a big box of these little jewels, you ARE RICH!!!! Just kidding. They sell at yard sales now for a quarter. They are still crap, and your still dumb if you thought anything that mass produced would gain in value. But, what do I know, see what your beanie book says about it.

Nasty Ass Commercial

I was going to start by asking "am I the only one who hates the God damn Charmin bears?" but after going on a picture search, I know I'm not alone. I hate those bears, and Charmin so much. I would wipe my ass with a cactus before I would purposely use that product. I don't know what it is about it that makes it so vile.


Maybe its the way their faces pinch up and blush, then they reach for the paper. Maybe its the way they shake their asses after, to show you how clean it is. I remember when Charmin had Mr. Whipple, who would just act like a bitch about weirdos squeezing the toilet paper. Well, I didn't really like him either, but at least the company had some dignity about the product. Now, they want to come on TV while your trying to eat dinner, and make you think about shit. My family started turning off the TV at dinner time, and turning on music instead, while sitting at the table. I wish the rest of America would turn the TV off every time that damn commercial comes on. That would make the good folks at Charmin bring Whipple out of retirement, and park the shitting bear campaign. But, its hard to get everyone together on a cause like this. I mean, I always thought people would bitch about "Angel Soft" toilet paper, but they never did. They let a company get away with saying that using this paper would feel like wiping your asshole with an angel. You know, Gods most perfect and closest creations. Angels. On your ass. Now that's soft! Like an angel, fluttering past your taint. I hate TV.

Grilled Grill Meat, and Other Advertising Wopdingers-

The other night, I lit the grill and whooped up some of that "carne asada" that you here so much about these days. It was awesome, and if you want to try Carne Asada for yourself, you just need the following: meat, and grill. You see, "carne asada" means grilled meat or steak. The ad folks just thought the name was catchy, so they started the "now with carne asada steak!" or grilled steak meat. This is not the first time they have busted out some catchy crap that swept the nation. I know you remember Certs with retsin. Folgers with flavor crystals, and so on. I just hate it when some new word for a new anything starts swirling, and people get all caught up in trying to say it more than anyone else. Or sell it more. It just shows how simple we are as a species. Lets go get a sandwich, made on CIABATTA bread. Lets ask for ARUGULA on it. Lets pour on some CHIPOLTLE sauce. No, I'm not that hungry, lets just have TAPAS. If you don't know one, or any of these words, don't feel bad. I suppose that once you have re-wrote the menu at "Fridays" a thousand times or so, you have to come up with new descriptions for the same old shit. It goes further than food though, and pretty well reaches every part of daily activity. I was listening to someone talking about PILATE'S this morning. Ten years ago, at least where I grew up, it was called Yoga. And, ten years before that, stretching. Don't fall for advertisers crap.