Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Happy Birthday NASA!


It sucks to live in Florida, and hate NASA, but I do. 147 billion dollars, for what? Floating around. Well, there was that one major discovery they made...........oh, yeah, there wasn't. In my opinion, the whole program is and has always been a diversionary tactic. Keep looking at the sky, not around your neighborhood. The space shuttle is an intergalactic Uhaul truck, ready to break our lease on Earth, and move us in the middle of the night to some other planetary apartment that we can trash. 147 billion dollars. I don't believe we will ever do anything worth while with that shuttle, and furthermore, I don't believe we EVER went to the damned moon. People think I am crazy for saying that, but I think the joke is on them. My usual argument is based on the fact that in 69, a walkie-talkie weighed 10 pounds. 10 pounds? These guys went up there, landed, played some golf, did some donuts in a farging DUNE BUGGY, then jumped back in the capsule like it was a Chevy Monte Carlo, and returned safely to Earth. All the while, NEVER missing one communication with "Houston". I cant make a cell phone call in 2008 and fully expect the call not to drop. Don't be a sucker for this crap story. The lunar rover (aka dune buggy) was the size of a Buick Riviera. I don't care about all the people who demand an explanation for why they cant see the foot prints on the moon with a telescope. I just want to know where, in that tiny capsule (I have seen it at the Smithsonian) they stored that dune buggy? I know why they did what they did, and why they said what they said- to keep the Russians in check. But it has been like 40 years, so damn, let these people off the hook already. Today is the 50th anniversary of NASA. Happy Birthday NASA, you ol' bullshitter you.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Shakespeare Programmed my Cell Phone



I am a crappy text messenger. It takes me forever to get out one broken sentence, and by the time I do, I have been passed up by the entire conversation. I nearly wreck my truck, and most of the time just end up clearing the text, and making the call. I have noticed something about my phone, however, that really has me puzzled. Why is it that my Motorola Razor, when in text mode, knows words like "forsook" and "hitherto" but not simple words like "going" or "eating"? I have to tell it how to finish a four letter word (not a dirty word) but it can bust out with classical English? I am now intrigued, and want to know WHO programed my phone. Try this, because maybe it's just my Motorola- Try typing a simple sentence that you would likely say to a friend during the natural course of the day. Then type ANY line from the Old Testament. I bet you will have to finish more words for the simple, modern sentence than the Jesus said this, Moses said that, Abraham hit me with a wiffle-ball bat gobble-dee-gook. Let me know.