Lets Go Cruising!

I saw this sign today, while driving out of the Jacksonville Airport. I assume it refers to the people who fly in to Jacksonville to get on a cruise ship? I am not really sure. I thought it was funny, because of how many "cruisers" I see in this town almost every day. When I first moved here from Atlanta about eight years ago, I had never heard that term before, cruising. Well, I had heard it, but usually meaning to get in a car, or on a bike, and just go riding around with no real destination. In this city, it means something else entirely. Websters dictionary defines the word as: to search in (a public place) for a sexual partner b: to approach and suggest sexual relations to. Wow. Even ol' Webster was hip to the game before me. I noticed a few years ago as I was walking home from work, that a few guys (mostly kindly old men) offered me a ride. The curious thing was, they were not traveling in the same direction as me? Since becoming aware of the hustle, I can not believe how many people there are in J-ville looking for love in all the wrong places. Let me name a few- boat ramps, parks, library's, rest stops, gas stations, bridges, any place you can fish, just about anywhere you can drive a car or walk up to. Also, if someone comes up and asks you "do you have the time?" look at their wrist. Chances are, they are wearing a watch. They did not ask if you knew what time it was, they asked if you had the time! Silly deviants. Anyway, knowing all this, that sign was hilarious.

I Dream of Genie

I was sitting on my couch the other day, trying to change the batteries in my TV remote. I tried to put the cover back on, and it would not go. I pushed it harder, then smacked it on my knee. I thought I heard it crack, so I started to get up to get a screwdriver, to see if I could jam it inside to move shit around, and force it shut. As my knees popped and cracked to straighten, I heard a slow, deep country twang say "turn em' round, you got em' in backwards, sport". I reached for my pistol, and looked up to see the helpful stranger sitting on the arm of my living room chair. It was Sam Elliot, and boy was I glad to see him. "Put that pistola down, and turn em' battries' round" he said. I let the pistol go, and pulled the cover off the remote. I flipped the batteries, and sure enough the damn cover snapped shut, clean. I don't really know Sam, but I have seen a lot of his (?) movies. Is he an angel? He should be. He is way more helpful than that Michael Landon character ever was. I wish he really did spend his day waiting for me to have a problem, or question that he could answer for me. That would be sweet. And always dressed as a cowboy, or an old grave digger, or a soldier, or maybe the wise old biker. But never dressed as one of the other thousand different characters he has played................ just kidding. He has only EVER played those other guys. And that is why he rocks. he does that one thing, well. He pops up, wearing a cowboy hat, and helps you out of a jam, like a redneck genie.