Toys in the Attic Part Two

I went back to which ever "mart" to finish the damn Christmas shopping. By shopping, I mean following my wife around wining because I don't have an Ipod. And looking and pointing at girls with big boobs, to my wife's dismay. And, for you, taking pictures to report on the strange and wonderful things my mind attempts to process each day. Not the boobs, though. We have enough boob pictures on the Internet. I found more creepy toys, and creepy toy pictures. I want to say again (did I write about this?) that even though most toys are made in the Asian countries, the photos of kids/parents are not. They know Americans would not buy toys with a picture of a nice Cambodian family playing with them. So, they go to places like the Ukraine, or others that I will not attempt to spell, and arrange the photos. That, to me, is funnier than the Cambodian family, because the Ukrainians (or whoever they are) try to look American. The first two shots are to highlight the fact that, in the Ukraine, they think ALL American boys have a crew cut. Or, whatever this strange "high and tight" cut is supposed to be. The rest are just freaky ass toys and stuff that I photographed. Enjoy!

In Amerika, all boy are having military style hair fixing. Top Quality!!





Is it just me, or is this a "posing seductively Santa" and why?

This "rocket" looks like one I saw in an adult store. It even has "soft tapered head"



This one says "hand gesture mold is a great gift for any friend or family member". I agree. You could mold just about ANY body part to send home to your wife or girlfriend!!

This pale, Eastern European mother and son just look wrong. I should have read the suggested age area of the box. It probably says "ages 2 to 18" Nasty.

The last is just another "White Christmas" toy. I just wonder how much longer that is going to go over, and why we can't just say, I'm dreaming of a Snowy Christmas?

Toys In The Attic

Took the long walk around Target the other night, looking at toys and all this. I know (as you do) about the whole Chinese toy recall and all the drama around that. First, I want to say to you what I have been rambling on about, to the chagrin of anyone who will listen. The Chinese have been made to look like the villain on this lead paint/parts deal, and its bull. China does not supply the materials to build shit in this world. Not one thing. They do not have materials to build a thing. What China has is labor. That's all they ever had, and that's all they do. The big toy makers pointed the finger at China for the use of lead paint and materials, which really confused the little bowl-cut bastards. All they do is receive the materials and specs for the toys or whatever they are assembling, and whip the shit out of a crowd of line workers to fill the order. Anyone who has tried to buy rubber, wood, concrete or steel lately can tell you that I'm right. The prices shot up after the sleeping dragon started building a lot a year or two ago. This happened because all of the materials that we just expect to find at Home Depot were being shipped out to China. My point is, the lead crap was given to them, along with all the other parts and pieces of the toys, by the American toy companies. Now- back to the story. Toys look creepy. Not the actual toys, but the pictures on the boxes. I think it may have to do with Target being a foreign company? The pictures are foreign people trying to look like typical American schmucks, and it gives each one a funny, slightly odd effect.

I call this one "Weekend Dad" because that's just how it looks, and the whole weekend dad thing is funny to me anyway. I know a few of these guys, and I apologize to you ahead of time for anything I ever say about the subject. I don't know why its funny to me, it just is. The guy in the shot is all sported up, trying so hard to hang on to the boys while Mom's new friend "uncle Dave" is staying over more and more every week. Wow. Awkward moments at the breakfast table. Anyway, its sad.

This one is "Drunk Dad" and I think the photo says it all. He looks like he knocked back a few shots while he assembled the crappy toy, badly. He didn't need all those parts anyway. He just needs another drink, and some God damn quite time. Stop crying, your being a big girl. It's no wonder your Mom left us.

This one is just strange. They (those who do) have apparently replaced the dirt in an "ant farm" with some sort of wonder gel, that the ants both eat AND drink. I think its like when you eat jello, and you slush it around your mouth until it converts to slimy Kool-Aid. I don't really feel for ants, but I still think its a shitty thing to do to them. Imagine if one or two got out of the farm, and outside. Born and raised in the jello world, they would be really let down having to tunnel through regular, stinking dirt. And as far as the kid in the photo, well- you know. You cant put green shit that you can possibly drink, that close to a little black kid without him at least tasting it. Telling his Mom that he didn't, with green ants on his face. That shit looks like apple drink. What was he going to do?

Is it Just Me?

This one is a shorty. Look at the picture above, and then at the picture below. You know what
the items in the top picture are. The pictures in the lower photo are just shampoo bottles from
the shower. Is it just me? What is the deal with the new ultra phallic bottle designs? Is this art imitating life, or life imitating dick? I just don't know. No wonder they are in there so long.