Crack for Comfort?

"Yall got any hot chocolate!!!????" The crackheads voice rattled and shrilled like it was coming from a loud speaker wrapped in an old rusted mailbox. I don't know how they throw their voices so well, but you can hear a crackhead over a freight train, if they want you too. The cashier and customers of the local gas station /convenience store I was in all began laughing and looking at each other in disbelief. You see, I live in Florida. And at the moment in question, it was around 85 degrees with a hundred percent humidity. Miserable. The cracky was, as usual, freezing. Anyone who has lived, worked around, or just studied crackies in general knows that this is one of the boldest traits of a hard core crack cocaine habit. When its 35 degrees outside, and even the damn plants have been covered in case of a frost, you are very likely to see a crack head strutting around butt-ass naked. When its 102, and old folks are dropping from heat stroke, the cracky is looking for a ski-suit to put on. I have told you in the past of my considerable girth. Like most "big boys" I am very sensitive to heat. My wife will tell most folks that the thermostat is pretty well the only thing we ever fight about. I am ALWAYS hot, and she is ALWAYS cold. So, I have decided that America needs to stop looking for a cure for crack addiction. Stop entirely. And start trying to isolate and identify the causes of the crack heads amazing disregard for weather, and ability to control the temperature within his own body. Think of all the energy and marriages we could save with this technology! Create a pill that isolates and manipulates the crack heads secret weather control. Imagine- turn off your heat in the dead of winter, and just take two tablets of "Crack-Cozy". Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk? Take two tabs of "Crack-Cool" and shut down that noisy-ass window unit. Its time to start looking for the good in this epidemic, and stop trying to make it seem so evil. We could all be asking for hot chocolate while standing in line behind three guys buying Gatoraid. We just have to open our minds. I got to go, I'm hot as hell.